Friday, 09 January 2015 00:00

Gran Canaria Info Style Guide

90% of travel writing is SEO-optimised, cliche-riddled drivel. Or at least it feels that way when you live in Gran Canaria.

When did travel writers stop writing about their experiences and become review monkeys? When did mediocrity become the bar? When did they just give up?

Don't do this

We've had enough of grinding our teeth every time the Google Alert hits our inbox so we've put together this guide for travel writers heading this way.

The essential clichés

All articles must have one of the following in the first paragraph:

  • A pun on the island's roundness
  • Saying it's like Spain but different
  • Mentioning the other, real, Gran Canaria
  • Revealing that it's an island of contrasts
  • Mentioning the tourist bight, sprawl, plague, etc

You're an explorer

Explorers discover things during adventures. Then they write about them. In the third person. The only way is epic.

  • Discover a secret beach
  • Explore a hidden valley
  • Scale an unknown peak

Had a boring Gran Canaria week short on epic events?

Just cram the entire island into 600 words. Capture its essence as nobody has before.

You know you can do it.

Location, location, whatever

Book a package because it's cheap, stay in a resort because its convenient, do your exploring in a Jeep Safari with a foreign guide.

There's no need for more. It's only a little island and you can see it all from the road.

In fact, why come at all?

Google is your friend.

Unique and amazing vocabulary

Go heavy on the word unique but never provide context: It needs no explanation.

Don't forget the other essentials:

  • Fascinating
  • Gorgeous
  • Wonderful
  • Incredible
  • Amazing
  • Picture-postcard-perfect

All other describing words are redundant.

Use the words traditional and sustainable. It doesn’t matter where: Just get them in.

The word literally can literally be used anywhere.

Words that you don't use in everyday conversation make you sound clever. Like a writer.

  • You partake in food
  • Have classes imparted to you
  • Finds things that are situated in locations

Alliterate alot always

Cuddly, fluffy and mild

English is too short: Puff it out with wills, woulds, shoulds, coulds, cans, be able tos, etc.

The active voice is nasty. It scares people. Passive and cuddly is best.

Never check facts and always hedge in case somebody disagrees.

  • Gran Canaria could be the roundest island in the world
  • It's said that Gran Canaria has the tastiest bananas.
  • I've been told that 80% of ...

It's better to be vague than risk negative comments. Google doesn't like negative comments.

Mince the metaphor, crunch the cliché

In the lively resorts, hotels must perch, pools shimmer, you hit the sun-drenched beaches along with hordes of tourists, cash is splashed, the Yumbo is nudge, nudge, wink,wink (insert funny joke).

Off the beaten track the mountains float in the air, remote villages nestle quaintly, views are panoramic and breathtaking, markets and fiestas are colourful and vibrant and full of friendly locals.

Fataga is picturesque.

Food is always succulent, mouth-watering and delectable. You partake of it in hidden gems that you stumble across..

Locals, what locals?

There are no local people in Gran Canaria except friendly ones dressed up in traditional costume dancing charmingly at authentic local fiestas. Or charismatic ones manning hidden gems. If you must mention a local in any other context, make sure it's a resort barman with a dodgy accent.

Engage with the audience

Once your article is published your work has just started:

  • Beg ceaselessly for likes on social media
  • Post links repeatedly, frequently
  • Join a web ring, blog ring, book club or any other circle of mediocrity

A retweet is a read. A review is a book deal.

You're almost there.

Bonus bleeding edge tip: Change the title of your old stuff and repost it as new. Do this often and without warning.

Got an original, quality piece of writing about Gran Canaria? Sure? Let us know and we'll publish it on Gran Canaria Info with a link back to your personal website. 

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Tip of the day

  • How To Choose A Legal Gran Canaria Airport Transfer
    How To Choose A Legal Gran Canaria Airport Transfer

    Gran Canaria's hotels have to be licensed and offer a quality level of service as well as having insurance and complying with fire regulations. The same goes for the boats that take people out to watch dolphins, the companies offering jeep safaris, and even the holiday let apartments. 

    However, not everybody in Gran Canaria follows the rules. For example, there is a significant industry running illegal and uninsured transfers between Gran Canaria airport and the island's resorts. These cars, driven by locals and foreign-residents, are just private vehicles and the drivers are unregulated and uninsured. They don't pay tax and there is no way to hold them responsible if something goes wrong. 

     At Gran Canaria Info we believe that all people and all companies offering services to tourists should legal and above board.

    So, how do you know that your airport transfer service is legal and registered with the Gran Canaria authorities?

     Using legal Gran Canaria airport transfers

    It is quite easy to know if your airport transfer service is operating in a legal way because all registered transfers have the following...

     A blue license plate: Taxis and other public service vehicles in Gran Canaria all have blue plates.

    A VTC sticker in the window: This stands for Vehículo de Transporte con Conductor, the official designation for licensed transfer drivers ans chauffeurs.

    An SP sticker on the car: This indicates that the car offer a Servicio Publico or public service and is therefore allowed to pick up and transfer members of the public. 

    Parked in the transport zone: Official airport transfer vehicles don't park in the public car park of the airport. Instead they have their own parking zone right by the arrivals gates at the airport (next to the taxis and package tour buses). Your transfer driver therefore should not have to pay a parking fee before leaving the aiport. 

    How to spot an unlicensed transfer service

    Unlicensed drivers get away with offerring their service because they claim that they are just members of the public picking up a friend. They are allowed to stand at arrivals with a sign (just like any member of the public can).

    However, they also have to park their car in the public car park and will walk you there with your luggage, stopping to pay the parking fee at the meter. A licensed transfer driver does not need to do this because they have their own parking zone right by arrivals.

    Some unlicensed drivers don't even wait at the arrival gate because the official drivers recognise them and get annoyed. Instead they have to stand further away (often by the Spar supermarket or the car rental desks). 

    When an unlicensed driver drops you at the airport they will not want to be paid in a public area because this proves that they are charging rather than "transporting a friend" for free. 

    An unlicensed car will not have a blue license plate, or a SP or VTC sticker, and will often look like a private car (because it is a private car). 

    What's the problem with unlicensed airport transfers?

    Some people use unlicensed cars because they are the cheapest option and don't realise that they are unlicensed. 

    There are several problems with unlicensed services. The most obvious is that they are uninsured so if something goes wrong or there is an accident, you are not protected. The price that unlicensed drivers offer is only low because they cut corners (hopefully not literally). You have no way of even knowing if your unlicensed driver has a Spanish driving license, insurance and a good driving record. Licensed drivers are vetted regularly and must be fully insured and licensed to work.

    Another problem is that unlicensed transfers undermine the legitimate transfer drivers and businesses in Gran Canaria. Local drivers make a living from transfers and offer a legal, regulated service with minimum standards. Every time an unlicensed service undercuts them, it is effectively stealing from local people and the island economy.

    We believe that everybody in Gran Canaria deserves better!

    Gran Canaria Airport Transfer Services

    To find out more about the Gran Canaria airport transfer, see our Gran Canaria airport transfer article which explains the three different models; man/woman from pub with car, online transfer websites, and local transfer services.

    Or you can book a legitimate Gran Canaria airport transfer at a great price right here. Our service uses local drivers and supprts the island economy because all the money you spend stays in Gran Canaria.

    Alex Says: Using our service also helps the Gran Canaria Info team to keep providing quality local information here and in our Facebook Group

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